Day 2

Made it to day two at least.

Had quite a good sleep last night and have had a pretty chilled out day, nice lie in this morning – albeit with two girls snuggled into bed with me, had a friend with kids over for a catch up and playdate, they’ve now gone and I’ve an hour till the neighbours kids arrive for a sleepover. Actually none of that sounds very relaxing but as far as I’m concerned if the kids are kept occupied by someone else then they’re out of my hair and I’m more chilled.

Am starting to worry about New Years eve now, originally it was just our family and 2 friends meeting up for an early meal/drink and then home to bed, but suddenly (through no fault of my own) more and more people have been invited to this early shindig, which means it’ll end up being a late shindig with more and more booze being consumed. I don’t want to drink new years eve, I’ve no desire right now to drink either, but I can only handle drunken outings in small time doses early on in the sobriety journey (I know this from previous experience). Oh well we’ll just have to see what happens, I’m driving so I can always abandon hubby and come home on my own with the kids. Must make sure I have plenty of treats at home so I don’t feel i’m missing out.

I’m looking forward to waking up New Years day hangover free, smug and smiling

Day 1 – again

I wonder how many day 1’s you can have before you just give up?

Day 1 again today, got through the last day 1 (two days ago) surviving on carbs and diet coke. got through most of day 2 yesterday, even went to lunch with people who were drinking, made it half way home and stopped at the pub for wine – why? god knows, maybe a reward for getting through a stressful non-drinking wine lunch. And do you know what goes through my head while I’m drinking my first one or two wines? ‘I’ve got this, I’ve so got this, see I can come to the pub and just have one or two’ What a load of bollocks – I had three and then went home and drank red wine, I then had a big meltdown ended up bawling my eyes out and went to bed, woke 3 times in the nights dying of thirst and sweating like mad even through its in the minus’s outside, woke up feeling like crap – utter and total crap.

Its so not worth it, so why do I keep doing it?

Hubby this morning said we’ll do a dry January, I said I don’t think I can wait till January, I told him not to let me near any pubs AT ALL and that from today there is NO wine in the house.

I will get though today again – feeling tired, grumpy, angry, sad and probably shouting at the kids (ok not probably as its already happened about 3 time). I have no great plans for the next week just to get through it sober.

Day 1

I’ve had this blog for ages, I’ve written and deleted a couple of day 1 blog posts, I’m not going to delete this one, whether I succeed or fail it will be recorded, I hope I will succeed.

I’ve been trying to get sober for about 5 years now, I’ve done days, weeks and months – most notably 5 months, then it all went to shite and I started drinking again.

Over the years my drinking pattern has changed, I was originally a bottle of wine (sometimes more) a day girl, now I tend to be a weekend binge drinker. But whatever the drinking habit it’s making me tired, grumpy, angry, low mood, irritated, no patience, no motivation and bloated, none of the things you want when your a mum of two fabulous young girls and have recently stared up a new business that requires, energy, confidence and motivation.

I wanted desperately to be sober this christmas, I had a sober christmas a few years ago and I loved it. I wasn’t sober this christmas and I didn’t ┬álove it, I felt angry, frustrated and hungover – for 4 days, christmas eve, christmas day, boxing day and today – blergh.

So a week before new years eve might not be the right time to start but then I don’t think any day is ever going to be the right time to start. We don’t have any major plans for new years eve anyway, we are supposed to be meeting some friends of an early drink, I’ve done not drinking around these friends before so their sort of used to it, the pub we’re going to has becks blues and diet coke – so I think I could survive a sober new years eve and then I would wake up bright and fresh for a brand new year, feeling proud and happy rather than guilty and shitty.

So I get through today and tomorrow is day 2 – a non hungover day, so much better than today, but then again today will be so much better than yesterday.